It occurred to me that what she said so eloquently might be a perfect statement to be coupled with my epiphany from a couple of weeks ago.  I finally figured out that being healthy is in the details, and deeper than that, it is all about control.  Think about it.  You have to control what you eat, because your body betrays you into wanting what you shouldn’t have.  You have to control your desire to go home instead of working out like you had planned earlier when you had energy.  You have to control what your kids eat because these are the formative years of their lives where you are teaching them either good or bad habits.  If you don’t step up to that challenge to control what you are doing in a minute to minute basis, you are not going to succeed in the goals you set forth in a purposeful manner.  Even if you are thinking you aren’t controlling what you are doing, and so you decide to go to Taco Bell for lunch, you are still controlling what you are doing by making a bad decision.  So why not use that control and just make the next right decision?  It’s just as much work to make a bad decision, that’s what is so funny. 

So, whether you thought you were a control freak or not, you get to be now.  Use it to your advantage!

I get up in the morning, even if I am terribly sore and don’t want to, and I feel better than I have in a very long time.  My clothes are either just coming out of storage and fit me, or they are too big.  I feel a sense of control over my eating habits that I also haven’t in a very long time.  I can do more in one day than I used to be able to and am still full of energy because of the combination of the way I have changed from the inside with my eating habits, and the way my body is toning and strengthening from the cardio and RX.  I have a wonderful time working out, I am completely addicted to RX and don’t ever want to quit it. I am bound and determined to actually touch the ceiling climbing the rope, whether it’s at the beginning or the end of class.  Side note, I got about 2/3 of the way up the rope this last week, twice!  What an exhilarating feeling to be able to do something that was not an option before!
Funny thing is, I still want to look even better! I still look in the mirror and see that extra weight around my belly that I’m not sure ever goes away after 3 children and not taking care of myself for too long, and think, why doesn’t that go away?  I feel like I’m working so hard and it should just be melting off, right?  I walk by those itty bitty teeny-weeny polka dot bikinis at Target and still know there is no way anyone sees me in something like that yet!  Does that make me, I don’t know, vain?  When is better good enough?  Is it ever?  I hope that I have the answer to that question. 

I think that I am still too far from my end goal, no matter how far I have already come, to feel that I am at a “good enough” place.  I am stronger and have more endurance, and have lost a chunk of weight (pun totally intended).  But I have not made it to my end goal.  I need to be keeping sight of the fact that I am simply not there yet, and really shouldn’t be happy with what I have yet!  If I was happy with what I had done so far, I would just be a little better for the rest of my life, but still not quite good enough.  For once in my life, being unhappy with where I am is a very healthy thing to be feeling.

This is where I need to emphasize the importance of having smaller goals to meet in the longer process of achieving your end goal, which is something I’ve always technically known, but never consciously put into practice in a thing like I’m doing now.  Maybe that’s because this has really turned into one of the most difficult journeys I have ever taken.  It always seemed so daunting and unfeasible before, and now it almost seems easy.  Until I go to what Heather calls “the next level of RX.”  Then I remember it is so not easy!  It is clear, obvious, not by any means easy.  There is a lot of hard work involved, a lot of changing details involved, and that is what is so hard.  Something my parents always said to me was that it takes 21 straight days of doing something different to turn it into a habit.  Habits are a lot easier to keep up with than new things!  So, having that initial 21 days of turning the new things into a habit is a really great first goal. 

You know what else is a really great halfway goal?  A wedding.  I am in my final week before my sister in law’s wedding wearing that newly altered (hah!) dress that is actually too big still (hah again!).  I am kinda hoping to get maybe a few more pounds gone before that, to reach my goal I set at the beginning for the actual wedding.  But even if I don’t quite get those taken care of this week, I still am quite happy to have come this far into the program and into my total weight lost goal, and all that does is motivate me to see this through to the absolute end goal. 

So here it is, the end stretch of my halfway goal, and I feel like I can do it because, after all, I do feel better.

So here they are: 

Total weight: 20 lbs

Lean muscle gained: 4 lbs

Body Fat: lost 6% !

Push ups: from only 22 to 42 in one minute

Crunches: from only 44 to 60 in one minute

Flexibility: from barely touching the ground with my fingertips to almost a flat palm

Bicep: lost 1 inch

Chest: lost 6 inches (yep, unfortunately some was boob. Luckily my husband still loves me!)

Waist: lost 5 inches

Hip: lost 2 inches

Thigh: lost 3 inches

Calf: lost 2 inches

Mentally: gained a heck of a lot of confidence, energy, and my commitment went up a couple of levels!

I absolutely can’t wait to see where I am in 6 more weeks!  It makes me want to re-commit to my better eating habits, not quite so much coffee, and indulgences in general.  Like that darn cheese pizza that is so easy to make and eat!  Arrgh!  I’m pretty excited about a bunch of new things I’ve been told about and discovered (because my husband loves to cook them for me!) in the nutrition genre, tune in tomorrow to hear more.

What else could possibly go better?  How about this, I didn’t need to take my inhaler this week.  My lungs are finally catching up to my level of exertion, which really means that I am getting into shape cardiovascularly as well as muscularly.  Also, I was able to pull out some rose bushes from the flowerbed and replant it even while I was sore, and was inspired to do the other flowerbed as well.  They turned out beautiful, and I feel such a great sense of accomplishment from not only my success in the class but also in other areas like the gardening getting done, that it inspires a greater desire to do even more.  This is really the thing that kept me going last week as I kept doing what I felt was going overboard in the eating department.  Luckily, I am able to use these successes to fuel the desire to do even better this week.  Look out world!

I went to a wedding this weekend, and for the first time in a couple of years, I wore a dress that wasn’t down past my knees.  I was mostly comfortable in it, and actually felt good about how I looked!  I walked in my heels like I meant it, and only almost fell over once or twice when they got stuck in the ground.  We had a really great time, and not once did I feel like I had to settle for wearing something I didn’t really want to wear.  What an interesting concept.  I have pretty much an entire wardrobe of those purchases, just finding what I can fit into, and look decent in.  Now I can go look for what I actually like, and be able to buy it because it fits me right, not just because it kinda works.  Darn, now I have to buy a whole new wardrobe.  Well, maybe after I win the lottery.  ;)

I came up with a few feasible answers.  First and foremost, I would rather suffer through this correction time and lead a healthy lifestyle that my children will grow up with and hopefully adopt when they are older than to show them that I decided to do something right and good, and the second I didn’t want to struggle with it anymore, I gave it up.  This is what I am most afraid of, to show my kids that its ok to give up at the first sign of difficulty.  I think that it is a much better thing to show them how to jump back on the wagon after falling off, or how to change the idea a little bit, to be flexible when trying a new thing, or how to make something like ice cream become a once in a while treat while fruit becomes the normal dessert.  It really is ok to have a splurge day, as long as it doesn’t become a splurge month!  In actuality, this concept transfers to many different areas of life that are all important to learn to succeed in life. 

Secondly, I know that I would be much more unhappy with myself if I failed to follow through on this than if I just keep messing up and starting up again.  The whole point is to bring myself especially, but also my family, to a place where I am healthy in more ways than weight alone.  That issue is just a happy side effect of becoming a healthy family.  No, not really, I do want to look great in a swimsuit in September when we go to Hawaii!!  I tried to get away with sounding like I didn’t care about that part, but no, I absolutely do!  It’s kinda like the chicken or the egg, which comes first, becoming healthy, or looking amazing in a suit?  I think, unfortunately, doing the healthy thing does come first.   That’s fine, it seems like the goal that is the easiest to attain because it has the most small steps, a long chain of single decisions that add up to caring for myself better in the long run.  I am a stubborn person with a strong desire to finish the challenge I have committed to.  That’s my dad’s fault, and I would love it if my children said that some day about me! 

The next thing I need to turn around is my view on life and when it is ok to splurge.  There is always going to be a great reason to eat something that is not technically on the menu for me.  That birthday cake, the wedding with the delicious Italian menu, that long hard day at work so I need to relax with ice cream cause I deserve it, the kids are eating pizza because it was easier to do, so I might as well…the list can go on forever!  That is not splurging, it’s called life!  I looked back at when I felt like I had to fail and discovered that the most common mistake at all those times was simply not being prepared.  If I know the food is going to be something I wouldn’t choose to eat at home, I should be bringing something that I can have, or making the adjustment with the rest of my day in calories and my workout.  In order to do this successfully, I need to think ahead and look at the calendar before I am hustling the kids to the car, not as I am driving and thinking, “Crap, what are we gonna eat for dinner?”  The single most important thing for me to be able to do that, I think, is to stop staying up so late at night and waking up too late in the morning to be able to be prepared.  I’m used to staying up really late because it’s the time of day that is quiet(kids in bed, yay) and my time to choose what to do with it, whether it is laundry or watching my favorite new series.  In my first blog when I said I tend to jump in with both feet to things, I wasn’t kidding.  I like to go a little overboard sometimes with new things, and when that’s over I need to find something else to replace it.  That means I get caught up in watching episodes of old seasons to catch up to the current season and end up staying awake til 3 am to finish the dvd.  Or I just can’t seem to put the latest book down until I fall asleep with it on top of me and my husband has to remind me that the bed is more comfortable to sleep on.  So, back on topic, I need to make another good decision and start to go to bed a little earlier and do less splurging on the fun things I choose to do.  See, these skills are really important in other parts of life, like I said!  Amazing, huh?

Even though it was hard to make great decisions on the fly last week, I still did have some real breakthroughs on the nutrition home front.  I figured out by using the Bodybugg website that I was getting about half my daily protein that I needed and so my muscles were not healing completely when I did all my strenuous activity.  It was the perfect tool to figure it out, because you can look at your day’s food broken up into protein, fat, and carb calories.  Then you can go back as far as you want looking at that same pie graph.  Easy peesy!   It definitely was a contributing factor in my “weak week” where I was discouraged because I thought I should be able to do more than I could because I was too sore and crampy.  Tristan, my husband, found Brewer’s yeast, which has about 20 grams of protein in 2 tablespoons.  That is a lot of vegetarian protein!  We are staying away from soy a little more now because there have been some studies about the possibly negative effect the estrogen has on especially children but also adults who eat it a lot.  We have cut it back to one serving every other day, but that leaves us with a hole in the protein department.  Some other great sources of vegetarian protein is flax seed, hemp nuts or oil, and quinoa.  Mmm, quinoa!  My new favorite grain!  We make this delightfully chewy grain with vegetable stock in the rice cooker, then use the leftovers for Greek or Mexican cold salad for lunch.  Oh so yummy!  I’ll post a couple of recipes with quinoa in the next few days.  We haven’t tried the hemp nuts yet, but they are something like 40% complete protein, which sounds like a perfect snack.  More  great nuts to eat are raw almonds or walnuts.  After taking some Brewer’s yeast, and putting nuts back into the menu, carefully because of the calories in them, I had a good week working out in Extreme.  I also felt like I had more energy to use.  I guess I had been scared to use nuts in my menu because I have been so conscious of how “expensive” they are in calories.  Kinda like I was afraid to eat too many carbs, like fruit and bread.  I was wrong about those, too! 

My mom also used to always tell me, “Everything is ok in moderation.”  I think I am understanding this better and better as I go on in my journey.  I don’t think this can necessarily be applied to every situation in life, but it sure does work with a lot of them.  Amazing how many things I have discovered my parents were right about…and that I am now teaching my children.  Mom, Dad, if you are reading this. thanks!

One of those successes would be my upper body strength as we are doing a ton of pull-ups and crazy push ups and rope work.  I can feel the strength and how much more toned my biceps and forearms have gotten on a daily basis as I go about picking up children, hauling beds/cribs up and down the stairs, and effortlessly tossing my giggling baby up in the air more than I used to.  I also have an easier time completing the round of pull-ups we do on Wednesdays.  Note that I did not say it was easy, simply that I have an easier time than before, which just means I can do more faster, which also means I do more work in the same amount of time.  I’m not quite as fatigued by the time we get to the circuit, which translates into not being terrified of the ropes!  I still don’t need to put on the safety harness as I am not quite pulling myself right up to the ceiling, but at least I can go up the cargo net without being scared of my arms just giving out as I reach the top!  Also, again Andrew showed me a variation on the rope that I can actually complete instead of false starting up the rope the entire allotted time, not really accomplishing the intended exercise.  See, people, this is why you need to make nice with the Personal Trainers and take a class or book a session with them!  They are a wealth of information and are committed to getting you where your goals are!  Wow, I just cannot stress this enough!  I never got the results before that I have been getting now, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is partly due to the encouraging shove I get every time I go to class! 

Something else that is very encouraging is that I can do the saw and pike, though not very long, and it leaves me with recovering back muscles for a couple of days.  These sore muscles are actually what I look forward to, because it means I am doing my job and building my strength!  With the saw, what you are doing is putting your feet in the TRX while on your belly, pulling into a plank position on your elbows, and, staying completely straight and stable, sawing backwards only moving your arms, and pulling yourself back with mostly your abs, core, and in my case, lower back.  After you have come back to starting, you pike so your butt is straight up in the air and your body is in a “V” shape upside down…not as easy as it sounds, as you are alternating with sawing back and piking up.  What’s really fun is when you think you are done, Heather says, “This is the next level!”  You know you are in big trouble whenever she says that with a cheeky grin on her face!  The next level for pike, holy cow, splitting your legs into a ”V” as you go up.  Or, the most recent challenge, to start running in place while up in pike.  Let me tell you, you have not lived until you have mastered this, I’m sure of it!  

My last week I really doubted whether I was physically capable of going to class on both days.  I woke up feeling oogy and went to bed feeling marginally better emotionally, only by the knowledge that I did go to class, and I did do as much as I physically could.  I was still physically down in the dumps, though, because I assumed I would be doing better and better, and I was slowly feeling worse and worse.  I felt bloated and crampy, and oh, yeah, that’s why I don’t feel great this week!  This realization helped immensely, and I was able to make the decisions that led to a better place for this week to start at.  A new expectation, a new knowledge that I could meet my goals because I had a bad week and I came out of it in better shape than before!  Plus, my swimsuit looks just a touch better on me this week at Waterbabies…definitely an upside.  This weak time also reminded me that knowledge is power, and that when I didn’t have the knowledge I needed, I felt lost and without purpose. 

That is why I have started more researching into whatever problems I am experiencing.  I have started a stretching program for my foot, icing and vitamin I (ibuprofen).  I know now that my tendency is to drink too much coffee and definitely not enough water, and when that happens, I get achy and crampy and will not be able to fulfill my own expectations in class.  I also know that if I don’t plan the time for my Bodybugg entering, that I just won’t do it in the correct time frame to make it helpful for me.  It isn’t supposed to be used to enter your food from a couple of days ago, it is supposed to be a tool to keep you on the right track daily.  Huh, amazing the things you can learn.  Simply from knowing these things and using that knowledge to correct my actions, I am feeling confident in my abilities to continue down a successful path rather than taking a detour because I don’t have all the information.  What a great feeling that is!

Last week I was in a funk.  I kept craving all that salty fried goodness and amazing sweet stuff that I had said was gone forever.  It really didn’t help that we had so many birthdays and potlucks to go to, either.  It is so much easier to just tell myself that one measly serving wouldn’t kill me, and besides, I am working out a lot…but that’s not the point!!  My personal weakness is after the kids are in bed, when I am settling in to spend some quality me time with a book or the next episode of House or V, and I automatically think about what I need to eat with it.  I relate relaxation and me time with my favorite snack or treat.  This happened on my last date with my husband at the movies.  We went to see Clash of the Titans (not too bad, but we still prefer the original), and as we strolled by the concessions, I was drawn like a moth to the flame, mistakenly thinking I could get away with just a little bit of popcorn.  See, the thing is, at the movies, there is no such thing as one small serving of popcorn!!!  It’s not worth buying unless you get a good deal, and it’s not a good deal to buy one small popcorn for a whopping $8 when you can get a large combo with free refills for only $12!!  It’s also not a good deal unless I smother it with the extra “melted butter” and salt.  After standing there indecisive for about 3 full minutes with the guy looking at me like, “Really?”, I went with the best deal.  Of course that meant I needed to buy the large combo with Cherry Coke and enough popcorn for a family of ten.  But I did resist the frozen Junior Mints!  As I turned around, my husband didn’t say anything, just a slight, oh-so-subtle eyebrow raise.  That was enough for me to get defensive, and self-righteous, though.  Sometimes I deserve a little treat!  I guess that means I already knew I made a mistake.  That quiet non-challenge helped me because I know I asked him to keep me accountable, but he didn’t go overboard with any sarcastic comments.  So I got a tray and poured a bit of the offending popcorn onto it, still more than I  should have eaten, and stuck with that during the movie.  Mindlessly eating out of a bag, despite what my dad taught me, has always been an issue.  All in all, it could have been worse, but I think I might have learned my lesson when that stomach hurting thing kicked in later.  Cherry Coke and popcorn  don’t really sit well no matter how scrumptious they were going down when you’ve been cleaning up your eating habits for a couple of weeks.  So let’s hear it for learning from your mistakes and Tums! 

My solution for last week was something that Andrew, our sub in RX, said to us.  The nutrition topic during stretching was two things, that every day is a new day, and the need to give yourself a controlled treat before you go for that Large combo again.  It was an important reminder that everyone goes through this inner struggle for control over the autopilot they’ve created with their eating habits, and that makes it seem like it isn’t such a colossal derailing when I don’t win the struggle.  It’s simply another stepping stone paving my “recovery”.  The point is when I do mess up(because to err is human, to forgive yourself divine), and eat something more than I was going to, it’s not the end of the world or your new way of life.  I have a fresh chance, every morning, to renew my efforts and choose the healthier option that is beneficial for me.  Ha, this sounds like a self-help spiel.  Well, I guess that’s what it’s supposed to be…right?

My favorite part of stretching was when Andrew gave me permission to eat some chocolate!  I know, I know, that’s not specifically what he meant, but that’s how it translates for me.  I found some delightfully yummy treats at Trader Joe’s called Powerberries, which are dark chocolate covered fruit juice concentrates of pomegranate, acai, and blueberry.  There’s a similar chocolate at Costco that’s just pomegranate, also very delish, but again with those huge bags, so I stick with buying the tiny bag from Trader Joe’s.  These fruits are all really great in their original form, and have proven antioxidants and flavanoids, but don’t mistake them for something healthy.  They are still technically unnecessary, just a better option than Rocky Road.  By deliberately doling out my 1/4 cup, I can take control of at least that craving, and hopefully stave off any other possible overeating.  This helped immensely this week when I was tempted to eat something I knew I would regret, and I could just hold off til I could have those as a sanctioned splurge that I planned for in my calories consumed column. 

All in all, my weak week still turned into a great learning experience and still didn’t pack on any extra pounds, thank goodness, but I also didn’t lose what I had planned, which hurts a little.  I felt like I let myself down, but just couldn’t pull out of it.  That was when a friend reminded me that I shouldn’t get down from a couple bad decisions and that I just need to make the next right decision.  One at a time.

Hindsight is 20/20, right?  Everything I had been trying to do in the past to get in shape, running and failing at it miserably, playing sports but not keeping at it, just trying to eat right, and yes, failing miserably at it, swam back into my head as I could pick them all apart as to why they didn’t work.  I mentioned before that I am now getting a better picture of my strengths and my weaknesses as I go through life, and part of that is just pure information and trial and error.  This workout program reminds me a lot of the two a day volleyball practices where you cannot believe you are putting yourself through it all, but at the same time, you feel a great sense of satisfaction and pride that you can do it.  The reason this program works so well is because you aren’t used to it, and it pushes you beyond your boundaries into results.  It targets different muscles, strengthening them so they burn calories efficiently throughout the day without turning you into the Rock, and gets your heart rate up to get a good burn during the class.  If you choose to, you can take the full “prescription” and follow the rest of the program on the off days.  It’s simple because you can choose the classes that are already offered at the Club, or you can do a workout from the packet you get, at home.  This will get maximum results and get you out of bed each day by getting the lactic acid out of your muscles. 

With those maximum results comes more determination and more excitement at what your life can really turn into.  I haven’t given any specifics on what I have done yet.  I started out in March at 229 pounds, 11 months after Leif was born.  I got pregnant at 214 pounds, so I was not close to pre-pregnant at the time I started this program.  In six weeks, I have lost 15 pounds and am for the first time at my pre-pregnant weight before my baby is one year old.  Granted, I have a lot left to lose, but shedding 3 pounds per week and not having clothes to wear is an exhilarating feeling!  My success is breeding more success in other areas of my life, creating a positive feeling in our family, more possibilities with family outings like bike rides, and happier times associated with our combined effort at eating correctly.  I could not be doing this so well without the love and support of my kids and husband, Tristan.  Luv ya!

Another part you have to be careful of is to track the exact calories you eat in a day, or you will completely fool yourself into thinking that you have totally met your goals, when you conveniently forgot about the kit kat you ate at lunch and the extra food you cleared off your kids’ plates to make sure you don’t waste good food. Ha! It has never been clearer to me how treacherous your own self can be when you’re battling your old habits and cravings that you have created(your own personal monster). On the other hand, it has also been clearer than ever how much the right mindset and daily attitude has a positive effect on how you succeed. Having a clear goal, including the correct tools, and a way to be accountable for it (RX instructor Heather, my husband, even my kids-”Mom, is this healthy?”) is imperative to this success. That is precisely where the Bodybugg comes into play.

Before I got to use this wonderful device, I tried to keep a food journal, just writing down what I ate and then going back through it to check and see how I did that day. First of all, to those of you who this works for, kudos! I am, in my old age, finally realizing the limits of my own self, and in doing so, finally realizing the most advantageous ways for me to succeed. So, I know from years of failure, that diaries just plain do not work for me. One reason is that you can write down what you ate, but if you don’t have a caloric scale to judge it by, you can easily lose track of exactly what you were trying to do. If you don’t do it right away, it is super easy to either forget all the little things you did eat, or to still write them down, then dismiss them because they are so small that they can’t add up to enough to keep you from your goals. Ever heard the saying, “Life is in the details”? Get ready for this one, it’s really complicated: “Healthy living is in the details!” If you insist on ignoring the details because they can’t be that big of a deal, you are insisting on staying exactly where you are on a simple truth that could change the way you live forever. Even more importantly, it will change the way your children are taught and grow to view their world.